| Gomes | |
|---|---|
| Alias(es) | Kenny |
| Species | Human |
| Gender | Male |
| Nationality | American |
| Affiliation | Project LONG STAIR |
| Rank | Private, United States Army |
| Position | Universe's chief bitch
Xenotech evaluation specialist (former) |
A former tester of xenotechnology, Pvt. Gomes holds an untouchable record for mishap, disaster and injury. He is also a generally unlikable dick to most everyone.
Career[]
Posting to LONG STAIR[]
Pvt. Gomes was posted to the 2nd Delver Engineers straight out of basic training and was in the wrong place at the wrong time when the scientists needed to second someone to xenotech evaluation, a duty that at first seemed like a milk run.
According to Dr. Roberts: "Pvt. Gomes presents an interesting case. While a certain frequency of mishap is unfortunately unavoidable in the investigation of xenotechnology, prior to reviewing the compiled reports I had not been aware of the sheer number of incidents in which Gomes has been involved. Carelessness - or even outright malice - on the part of his associates does not appear to wholly explain it: unless our metrics are badly awry, phenomena that behave in a predominantly random fashion in every other invariably target Gomes whenever he's present. Some of injuries he has suffered have never been reported before or since."
Due to his string of unluck, Pvt. Gomes received the nickname of "Kenny", referring to a character from the television show South Park who dies in every episode. Gomes despises this name but believes it is further proof that the entire universe is out to get him.
Lost in the Shuffle[]
Pvt. Gomes has appealed for multiple transfers out of both Project LONG STAIR and the Army itself, an endeavour frustrated by the fact that the U.S. Army has no record of him. As far as the Army bureaucracy is concerned Pvt. Gomes never enlisted, has no service record and does not exist. Misplaced paperwork is not unknown in the military, especially for a project as secret as LONG STAIRS, so this is chalked up to his legendary luck (both bad and good, as he survived all of the many disasters that befall him).
Others theorize that Pvt. Gomes paperwork has been deliberately lost as a cost-saving measure. Considering the number of times he has "died" he could be eligible for a fortune in survivor's benefits if he were to ever retire. Only a very few wonder if there is a stranger reason for his luck and paper trail. Such thoughts are quickly dismissed as the Dungeon is a place that breeds strange ideas and dwelling on them is never a good idea.
The one consolation is that eventually reaching a breaking point he was granted a transfer out of research with the support of Chaplain Medve.